.mlh.

MLH: i'd be lying if i said i didn't miss you, didn't think of you every day, and didn't wish you were still here! i can't believe its been so long since we've been together but when i think of it, i remember it like it were yesterday. i went and visited your grave earlier this week, you give me extra strength on those days that i can't quite do it myself. i miss our talks, your example, and your infinite love. not only the love you gave me but to all of those lives you touched. you were an example to all of us and you are still in each of our hearts. i know its no coincidence that i've thought about you more then normal especially at this time when all of our friends are spread across the world, some coming home, and some just leaving. but no matter where we all go i know that we have a rare bond that has come from you and the person you were in our lives, and the experience of your passing away that you left with us. i'll never forget that week mads, it was life changing and of course the selfish part of me wishes that you were still here, i know you are too good to be down here and were needed for especial responsibilities where you are. i still look back on those good times, the notebook that we passed back and forth daily, ABE, new years, bedroom chats, love notes, nicknames, italian sodas, rice parties, and just the essence of you i miss terribly. i love when i catch glimpses of you and your example in our friends, and when i see their accomplishments i know much of them have to do with the person you were in each of our lives. it gives me comfort to know that no matter where we go around the world or who we meet and what we do, we have a deep rooted bond that comes from you. thank you for being you and for changing me in the amount of time that i knew you. you were always so mature in your actions and i aspire to be more like you each day. i hope that your big 21 was everything and more that you thought it would be! i love to think about what you would be doing in your life if you were here and try to mimic my life to parallel it. it has helped me through some of those tough days and the life changing decisions that have to made. mads we are getting so old! when did we grow up?? i can't wait to see what is to come in this crazy thing we call life, and will always keep you in my heart! i miss you and love you and wish you a happy happy birthday! x's and o's

thanks cc for inspiring me to do the same on my blog, i love you and you remind me so much of mads. i miss our times together, our "thursdays" and the crazy girls we were! xo

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{good}

i have been flooded with emotions lately. i had a lovely weekend and got to spend some quality time with sister and an old friend. i loved all of it and it really was what i needed. i feel on track. i've already accomplished a few personal goals or am working towards them. slowly but surely things will be great.

one thing i have been pondering is the word "good." i hate using it because it sounds mediocre or just average, but i've realized that being good or doing good is much much more then average. a good person is aiming for perfection, they run deep with emotion, have good intentions, know what they want, and i believe that if you are a good person you will succeed. i want to be a good person. to do good things always and to want to be a good person in every aspect of my everyday life. i am surrounded by some of the loveliest and what i believe are the most talented and kind people right now. friends and family members who want to make a difference and who inspire me each day to dream bigger and to believe in myself.

overwhelmed

do you ever have those moment where you are so completely overwhelmed you don't even know where to begin? i do. especially right now.

i had a chat with a good friend and while we talked about how thrilling and exciting life can be at this age, there is no doubt that it is one of the hardest.

why didn't anyone tell me that i would be this young when i had to make such life changing decisions, face some of my biggest fears, overcome the hardest challenges, and want to give up so frequently. probably because i would've thrown a fit and chances are someone (my kind parents) did warn me but i decided that i was an exception or they were nagging a little too much.

school is going to be the death of me, my job/s seem like they are never going to run smoothly, my money goes in my hand for about 5 minutes and has to go to someone else...so not fair, i feel lazy and unproductive and therefore i've decided that rather then thinking of who i want to become i need to just become these things now, because "now is the time"

i want to be a better person, i want to get more done.

i want to be on top of things, follow the schedule i set for myself.

i want to conquer my fears and reach my goals.

i want to cook more, i want to be a gourmet cook so that one day i can prepare beautiful meals

i want to recover a chair

i want to sew my own clothes

i want to get good grades

i want to save money. and spend money unfortunately

i want to buy my own car

i really want to blog more

i want to study the scriptures more frequently

i want to make smart decisions and feel good about them

i want to serve more. especially those i'm closest too

thats enough for now, but really...i need to stop feeling overwhelmed and just be productive.

{fridays}

its been one of those weeks where all i can think of is a break. a break from school, work, stress, and life. i know that is unlikely and i also know it isn't going to happen but i heard a quote that kept me hanging on:

"even the worst weeks have fridays in them" and it is finally friday! luckily. i had those brief moments this week where i honestly thought i was going crazy, and if i was mean to anyone who reads this, i'm sorry. i will be better, promise. i also have been waiting for friday BECAUSE...drumroll.....Juddy gets home! Oh how i have missed that boy. I hope that it all goes well, he is the first of all the boys to get home and i'm literally dying to see him. i love fridays!

.happy friday.

{little tender moments}

yesterday i had a tender moment. a tender moment that was much needed, and even though that person expressed that i am an example to her, she is an example to me. i admire the integrity in my friends, the good people that they are, and the intentions of their heart. my night was better after this little tender moment and my attitude brighter, hopeful, and restored. i love those moments, how ever little they may be, they mean the most. after all its the little things that count right? i believe so. thank you good friend for the little tender moment that made me so happy, i love you.

oh so lovely.

this weekend was lovely. i got to sit at home, with my family and listen to the words of our modern day prophets. how lucky we are to have such profound examples in our lives who lead and guide us in these latter-days. i live for these 2 days. i look forward to them, they come so slow and go so fast!

i always sit up straighter and listen more attentively when President Monsen stands to speak at the pulpit. this year he taught me much that i needed to learn, and to apply and adapt in my life. if only i could remember to prioritize my life in the way that i know is so right, but i'm human and i make my fair share of silly decisions, really they are silly. he said so graciously, "we leave as better people then we came 2 days ago" and i hope for myself that this is the case, i intend to shape my life in the right way, the way that i know i need to. i want to make it my own personal challenge to do a good deed each day. so that i can ask myself, "what did you Brooke do for someone today?" and i will most definitely have an answer. how fulfilling that may be. i've been lucky to travel around the world and have found that those times when i have had the opportunity to serve others, i am my best and happiest self (more on that later!)

Enjoy all the conference talks here at lds.org